5QF-- Twinkies, trash, and sweaty pants.

In the interest of having some posts consistency around these parts, I'm participating in Mama M's

Join in here!

Ready?  *Ahem*

1. If you could have been (could be) any profession you wanted (brains and $$$ no problem) what would it be?

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, with all the kiddos headed back to school full-time...maybe it's time for this momma to get back into the workforce.  Atleast part-time.  Anywho, what I enjoy most is greeting people and office work.  So, an office position of some sort would be amazeballs.  And on the practical side of things, it'd have to be either a night job or just during the school year, so as to not pay daycare (because helloooo, what would be the point in THAT!) which leaves me with the position of School Secretary. Home on weekends and vacation days/holidays. Perfect. Set that up for me, wouldya?

2. How often do you clean out your car?

Blech. Not often enough. I usually take the hint when they open the sliders of the fan and a bunch of shit falls out. Actually, I've been doing rather okay with it...emptying trash into the outside can on Friday mornings (trash day) and when I step on shit that just fell out when they opened the door when I get the urge.  But, alas, *sigh* not nearly often enough.

3. Do you wish there was such a thing as fashion police or are you deeply relieved?

I would be okay with that...I've tried to make it a rule not to leave the house in sweatpants. But rules are meant to be broken, amIright!? Sooooo. Either way is fine. I'd probably just contest the ticket and fight it in court, which would lead to the ticket getting thrown out, cuz the FP wouldn't show up, cuz there are FAR too many people out there worse off than moi! lol  My sister even said a few times, trying to be nice...I guess... *eyeroll* "She might be big, but atleast she dresses nice." Um. okay. Thanks. Or should I say, you're welcome? lol  {Evil revenge: she later popped out 2 kids of her own mwahahahahahahahaha} {but she's doing great losing on Weight Watchers...and stress} {biotch.}

4. What's your go to food/drink/activity when stressed?
I partake in Retail Therapy. Actual therapy would probably be cheaper, though. :/

5. If you had twins, what would you name them?

Hey! I've got some of those!! They are Gavin & Grady. Our youngest. Here are some pics...

Newborn Twinkies!

We're 2!! This pic makes me happy and sad!

A recent adventure with their bros...notice the "croc pots" in the background?

And no, they weren't in a Subway commercial...
They turned 5 this summer!

 (5, 5, 5 dollah foot looooooooooooooooooooong!)

Make a wish, twinkies!

Making the best of a rainy baseball game. Have Mike&Ike's...will travel.

Wanna know something COMPLETELY insane?! 

I'd love to have another set of twins! Right now. And their names would be Charlie and Max, or maybe Duncan (family name) OR if they were girls: Andy and Charlie. 

I know. ;)

Are You Ready for Some Football?! ...um...err...

Welllllllllll...I thought we were he was...

I guess I should preface this story with another one:

It was a dark and stormy night. 

Wait, no it wasn't. It was a sunny, September afternoon. 

I was a couple months into being a mom of 5 boys under the age of 7. And I thought to myself, 

"Self, you dumbass let's sign up the oldest two for flag football at the Y." 

Because really, it would be fun to have them learn a sport that would make their Uumpa's proud...

and to get some of that energy out running on the field, 

and push other kids for a change......just not too hard, m'kay?! 

There were practices. 

And twins in the double caravan stroller. 

And McD's french fry bribes for the middle child. 

And a crazy-eyed momma who always wonders
what in the f she got herself into.

*ahem* Me.

The practices went great! They formed lines! Took turns!
Wow! Football is fun!

Then came Game Day.

It was another beautiful fall day. 

A Sunday, because hellooooooo. It's football.  

10 seconds into the first inning period whatever game, 

the menfolk were showing these flippin' 5 year olds how to line up at the line of scrimmage or some shit. 

5 year olds.

They paired up. Crouched down. There was a ball in there somewhere. 

A whistle blew. The kids pushed to get past each other.

Someone pushed a particularly blond 5 year old.  

*ahem* Mine. 

And just like >.< THAT, 

he fell to the ground as though he'd been SHOT, 

was carried off the field, 

and was a soccer player for life. 

Until 2 weeks ago. When he asked to play football here in the new city.

There were many "Are you sure?"s and double-checking about not playing soccer.  "Dude. It's football. TACKLE football!!? As in people laying on top of you."  "I know, Mawwwwwwwwwwm. I can do it!"

Personally, I thought football would be better than baseball or soccer, cuz this boy is hard on himself when it comes to striking out or not making/stopping a goal.  Football is more fast pace...there's no time to dwell on something not happening...shake it off, move on...chest bump, and go play!  He really seemed convinced this is what he wanted to do.

So I forked out way too much friggan $$ with it being back to school time and all... the fee, got him some gear, have spent 4 nights at practice...3 of them with siblings in tow (nightmare), 2 of them with husband to help the nightmares siblings chill, and 1 night of just me.

Doing this.

I think I can handle this football mom gig.

So these practices. Just drills, running, breaking up into groups to handle 'yo bus'ness. Or whatever they do in those groups. For 2 hours. Until 8pm. Dear gawd, it's cold in Maine at 8pm in August. Can't wait for October *eyeroll*

Anywhoooooooooo. So tonight at practice came the big announcement. 

"Tomorrow is equipment assignments...then we get to start HITTING!" 

yelled the coach, and the players cheered. 

They freakin' cheered. 

Except one.

*ahem* Mine.

(you knew that was coming, huh.)

WW--Balloon Festival!

I'll post more about this on the next Maine-ly Monday!

The colors were amazing!!

and here's a funny one...

Free enemas at the splashpad...no registration required!

Happy Wordless Wednesday!

(click above for more, and to share yours!)

The Day I Became a Biker Bitch Cliche

This weekend was a rare one for the Mister and I.  An overnight away from my many men, in a hotel, on the motorcycle!  What?! Oh yeah. And I became a biker bitch cliche.  Wanna know how?  Keep reading...

But first, some pics!

I prefer this kind of biking...not that!

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

We had amazing weather for the climb up Mt. Washington. (and by climb, I mean DRIVE up MW on the motorcycles; because what am I, nuts? who would want to hike the 8-10 miles up a mountain?! HUNDREDS of people, that's who! You should have seen the crazy bastards cars lined up along the roadside, with children in tow, even!)

We only knew one person in the group of bikes we were in, but quickly became friends with the rest! Bikers people too, y'know ;) We look forward to riding with them again!

The temp at the bottom! Sofa king hot. But it was a breezy 66 degrees up top!

There aren't any guardrails on the 7-8 mile loop up the Mt. Washington Auto Road. Just rocks...

Majestic views that aren't done justice by these pics.

And in some spots...there is lack of rocks!

Going uppppppppppp!

The mountains go on forever

Objects in the mirror may enjoy taking self portraits ;)

The Mister and the mountains

I'd much rather climb this on a bike than in a car!  There's barely enough room for 2 cars to pass

Back on the ride down...

Yes, honey, I see that's the lodge we started at, now get your gawdforsaking hand back on the bars!!

A quick stop for some pics of me. His idea. *faints* I never have pics of me! 

On the way home, we separated from the group of bikers (helloooo, it was New Hampshire and momma wanted to shop...though I was restricted to purchasing the capacity of the saddlebags :/ But we made out at the Aeropostale outlet! $2.99 and 4.99 tees), and it was on the highway while doing 80 the speed limit, that I learned an important lesson:

I already knew texting and driving is dangerous, but texting while riding on the back of a motorcycle is equally hazardous (to other drivers...) because as you are paying attention to your phone, your shirt flies up around your neck, so you try to pull down what you think is the aforementioned shirt (not looking away from the phone screen), only to end up pulling down your cami instead.  So there you are, shirt up, cami down, leaving a couple boobs things flapping in the breeze that shouldn't be.

In other news, that guy from Arizona, who passed us, gives Maine's hospitality 2 thumbs up...

And here's my favorite pic...climbing down the mountain.

No boundaries. Love it.

Badass biker wannabe momma bahahahahahahaha

Speaking of badass...can't wait for Sept. 11!!

Sons of Anarchy

Do you watch?! Do you ride motorcycles? What's your favorite destination on bikes? and even if you don't ride...suggestions for a road trip?!

Ahhhh, Summer.

is in full swing here in Maine. 

The boys and I have been exploring the state (<-- link to my new, more PC blog about Maine...less Penises, more trees) and enjoying the weather.

Did you know we moved a few months ago?

From this...

to this...

The city baby!! Woot!

There's a park and pool on our street.  The kids WALK to school (it's only a few houses up) and...

wait for it...

I can get them off to school and be inside Target by 8:22am.

This is heaven, y'all!

We are doing alot this summer, but are also having a lot of "home" days. And by home, I mean pool ;)

There are lifeguards, who the boys have charmed...

Off-duty LG pulling them around

Another playing frisbee with them

 As much as we enjoy the pool, I gotta say...I'm completely shocked by the ignorance of some parents who take their kids there. The rules are simple: no diving, no food or drink, and noone under the age of 12 may swim without a parent with them.  There are 2 lifeguards on duty, clean bathrooms/facilities, and it's FREE!!

Yes, there's a fence, and people who know CPR...

But it's not a freakin' DAY CARE, people!  

I actually said that to someone one day, after a visibly inhibited father left his 6yr old there for 1.5 hours.  When he got back, the lifeguards confronted him (as harshly as timid teenage girls can), and he replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought he was safe here with you."  He IS safe here, they are LIFEGUARDS, but it's not a daycare, dude.

I've seen multiple people get their kids in the water, then go to their car for a smoke...or to play bball on the court, or walk a few blocks (way out of sight) down to a fastfood restaurant.  WTH people. 

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE to people watch, and this is a prime location to do so (note: do not leave home without sunglasses!)

We go quite frequently, and there are some other "regulars." If you ask the lifeguards, we are probably considered regulars ourselves. There's the single mom with cute girls who are always so surprised to *gasp* get WET from splashing kids in the pool.  The rotten boy who can't share the toy he's got, but oooh, can he have what you have?  (Answer: Nope.)  One of my least favorites, is the dude with the BAD haircut who wears his wife's shorts (they've GOTTA be hers...there is NO room for his, um...junk). And quite frequently, I'm annoyed by this one dad who is quite mean to his kids.  Not that I don't harp on my own to stop acting up (Do you KNOW how many times I yell, "Hands OFF!" omw. Too many).

Recently, though, mean dad was not-so-mean dad, playing with his kids...singing silly songs, dancing to the radio, playing pocket pool  with them.  He was incredibly thirsty that day, too.  Here's a tip.  If you want to try to pass off some hard alcohol in a child's size McD's cup...a) use the cover and straw and b) just go ahead and spring for the LARGE cup, cuz when you and your backpack disappear to change in the bathroom, and your small, coverless cup comes back miraculously full...well...it doesn't take a lifeguard  rocket scientist to figure out what's going on, there buddy.

It's hard to decide what to do when you witness something like that.  Well, it wouldn't have been THAT hard if I had seen him DRIVE up with those kids, but I knew he walked here with them from another neighborhood (hence the thirst, ha). So I didn't (but definitely would) have to step in before he got behind the wheel.  He called his wife for a ride home.  I made sure the lifeguards saw the magic full cup trick (they had), and haven't seen him there since.   

Would you have done anything differently?  Or just ditched your own kids there and walked to the bar for a drink.  All your friends are doing it. ;) There's always tomorrow...

*kidding*