I'm a Commercial Snob.

I don't usually watch commercials. In fact, I'm a commercial snob. But one night, we caught the Directv Genie commercial.  Record 5 shows at once?  Hells to the yeah!!! 

I dialed them right up, explained I'm interested in the Genie, and the operator asked, "You mean the box, not the girl, right?" HA! I told her I'm all set with the girl, but thanks for asking.  My husband, however, wondered how much extra per month that would be...More than you know, honey, more than you know. 

Sadly, for the low price of $299, we could record 5 shows. Ummmm, no thanks. I'll juggle my 2 shows, recordings and glares from my family as I check that everything is set to record "just for a quick second," as they watch ANOTHER episode of Pawn Stars in a teeny box in the upper lefthand corner of the screen. Heh.

So instead of the Genie or the girl, we opted for the promo package of HBO/STARZ/SHO, etc. I was all caught up on season 2 of Homeland that night (Go Carrie!). Woot. And we're usually pretty good about grabbing movies from Redbox when they come out ($1.26, love it!), but apparently we skipped a few, cuz we have watched and enjoyed The Descendents, The Lucky One, and Battleship. 

Not to mention the 1991 version of Robin Hood--with super young Kevin Costner and Christian Slater. (Yum.) And since I've already had sexual relations with Kevin, it was only right to share this movie with my many men.  I couldn't help but laugh at the hair and horrible punch lines... how lucky for my family that I turned as many scenes into a musical as possible?! "Search your heart, search your soulllllllllllllllllllll!" I crooned.  They loved it.  My best moment was when Kev (we're tight) went to swing on the rope but *gasp* it was on fire, so I let him know, to the tune of Alicia Keys new song: "That rope is on fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire!"

As I searched for the commercial above to embed it on this post, the boys heard the guy yell after the turtle bit his finger and they came running: "We want to watch the sheep video again, too, Mom!"  So please excuse me while I indulge them for the 47th-ish time...

"Goats yelling like humans"

 

The one where I scar my kid for life...

I'm a horrible mother. I may have scarred my kid for like, a whole hour life.

In my defense.........

I hate going to the orthodontist with 4 extra kids in tow. And since it IS still summer vacation 'round these parts...that's what I and the receptionist suffered through did today.

2 hours before everyone has been getting up on their own in the morning.

With an hour drive to get there.

I know.

Also in my defense 

(I have a feeling I'm going to be saying that a lot today)

I didn't bring the flippin' dinosaur toys...they were already there! 

Provided by satan the practice.

There were enough to go around...but my 

do-I-seriously-have-to-share-this-freakin-dino-with-him-I've-been-sharing-my-shit-all-summer? 

spawn children found ways to mess that up too.

There was: 

roaring.

And fighting

(in the form of pushing each other--dino--off the wooden comment box)

Dying and eating the flesh of others 

(the dinos, not the kids...this time).

Shooshing. Lots and lots of shooshing

(by me).

And there was "pooping out of eggs."

Whattya want from me? They saw their dog "poop out" puppies one day, and have yet to ask where babies come from for realz. Hopefully it'll come up before they are fathers older. 

If not? meh.

At least they got the egg part right.

(Thanks Dino Dan!)

Anywho. The one joy I can take away from these orthodontist visits...

besides, y'know...straight teeth and such...

is when they put one of these doohickeys:

into here:

leaving your kid looking all like one of these:

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I am telling y'all, there is no greater joy.

I took a picture of him (hence the scarring for life),

which he L'd his AO when he showed his Dad at dinner...

but can Mom go making a side-by-side collage of the aforementioned pic and those Sing-a-ma-jigs?

Nooooooooooooooooooooo.

Well, yes, actually, she did can, but he was all traumatized that I had put it on facebook already.

*cough* almost did. *cough*

And since I don't need to bring 4 kids to wait in a therapist's waiting room 

a therapy bill,

I won't post it here either.

:(

But I will snag one from google images of someone else's kid who probably cried for days  hates his mom  married his therapist cuz it was cheaper than paying for 50 min each week 

forgot all about this pic...

No children were harmed in the publishing of this photo. Well, not at my house anyway.

So, that was my morning before 11am.

It wasn't all bad though, while at the orthodontist's...

I did get to sit on Kevin Costner's face.

No actors were harmed in the taking of this photo unless you count in my dreams.