Missing.

ME: "Did you miss me, Gavi, when you were camping with Nana?"
GAVIN: "Yes."
ME: "Did you tell anyone?"
GAVIN (5yo): "It didn't come up."

Roadtrippin' with My Many Men

There's nothing quite like the panic attack induced when your kid tells you he counted and there's only 20 days left until the epic road trip you thought you had more than a month to prep for.

That was 6 days ago.

*deep breaths*

5 boys, 3 weeks, 21 states, 2 oceans, a handful of national landmarks, 5,000 some-odd miles, countless new gray hairs, and a bottle of xanax. (I wish...just kidding)

I've done quite a few searches for road trip tips and hope to utilize the ticket system for rewards and the clothespin on the visor for behavior. Do you have any other tried and true tips for me?

(Other than the wrapped dollar store gift bags every hour...that just sounds like a whoooole lot of trash, clutter, and frustrated tears over broken junkass toys every one hour and five minutes. ...the kids might cry, too.)

All The Cool Kids Are Doing It.

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007

Fake snake...check.

Fake gun...check.

Fake calculator phone...check.

Fake dollar store glasses...check.

Cutest spy ever...check!

Random Acts of...Shut the Hell UP!

Walking into Hannaford one day, a lady yells to me: "Grab that cart!" and points to one behind me. 

I reply: "I don't need a cart." 

She informs me that its 'just being a good human being,' 

(the whole time walking away from me) so I turn to said cart...which was atop a flipping snowbank,

and I notice the employee gathering carts at the corral nearby. 

"They're getting it," I motioned. 

And she yelled something (even farther away now) about "random acts of kindness."

Pffffffft.

While yelling at me WAS random, lady, I find it far from kind!

A few nights later, in honor of the Random Acts grouch lady, I brought this basket in...

even though it was pouring rain...

AND I had to pee.

bite me lady

WW--Twinkies

Apparently, My 5yr old Loves Weed.

5YR OLD (playing xbox): "Yay, weed! Those were flowers but all the rest is weed."

ME to 12YR OLD: "Is he serious?"

5YR OLD: "I love weed."

ME to 12YR OLD: "WHAT?! Why is he saying that?!!?! Is there really weed on that game?!"

5YR OLD: "Weed is so awesome. I've got all the weed in the world!"

ME: "12YO! OMG! 5YO! GET OFF THAT GAME!"

12YR OLD: "What, why?!"

5YR OLD: "Weed, weed, weed. I'm harvesting my weed."

ME: "!!!!!! *points*"

12YR OLD: "MOM! He's playing Minecraft. It's WHEAT."

ME: "Oh. Carry on."