Friday, August 24, 2012

5QF-- Twinkies, trash, and sweaty pants.

In the interest of having some posts consistency around these parts, I'm participating in Mama M's

Join in here!

Ready?  *Ahem*

1. If you could have been (could be) any profession you wanted (brains and $$$ no problem) what would it be?
I've been thinking a lot about this lately, with all the kiddos headed back to school full-time...maybe it's time for this momma to get back into the workforce.  Atleast part-time.  Anywho, what I enjoy most is greeting people and office work.  So, an office position of some sort would be amazeballs.  And on the practical side of things, it'd have to be either a night job or just during the school year, so as to not pay daycare (because helloooo, what would be the point in THAT!) which leaves me with the position of School Secretary. Home on weekends and vacation days/holidays. Perfect. Set that up for me, wouldya?

2. How often do you clean out your car?

Blech. Not often enough. I usually take the hint when they open the sliders of the fan and a bunch of shit falls out. Actually, I've been doing rather okay with it...emptying trash into the outside can on Friday mornings (trash day) and when I step on shit that just fell out when they opened the door when I get the urge.  But, alas, *sigh* not nearly often enough.

3. Do you wish there was such a thing as fashion police or are you deeply relieved?

I would be okay with that...I've tried to make it a rule not to leave the house in sweatpants. But rules are meant to be broken, amIright!? Sooooo. Either way is fine. I'd probably just contest the ticket and fight it in court, which would lead to the ticket getting thrown out, cuz the FP wouldn't show up, cuz there are FAR too many people out there worse off than moi! lol  My sister even said a few times, trying to be nice...I guess... *eyeroll* "She might be big, but atleast she dresses nice." Um. okay. Thanks. Or should I say, you're welcome? lol  {Evil revenge: she later popped out 2 kids of her own mwahahahahahahahaha} {but she's doing great losing on Weight Watchers...and stress} {biotch.}

4. What's your go to food/drink/activity when stressed?
I partake in Retail Therapy. Actual therapy would probably be cheaper, though. :/

5. If you had twins, what would you name them?
Hey! I've got some of those!! They are Gavin & Grady. Our youngest. Here are some pics...
Newborn Twinkies!
We're 2!! This pic makes me happy and sad!
A recent adventure with their bros...notice the "croc pots" in the background?
And no, they weren't in a Subway commercial...
They turned 5 this summer!
 (5, 5, 5 dollah foot looooooooooooooooooooong!)

Make a wish, twinkies!
Making the best of a rainy baseball game. Have Mike&Ike's...will travel.

Wanna know something COMPLETELY insane?! 

I'd love to have another set of twins! Right now. And their names would be Charlie and Max, or maybe Duncan (family name) OR if they were girls: Andy and Charlie. 

I know. ;)

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Are You Ready for Some Football?!

Welllllllllll...I thought we were he was...

I guess I should preface this story with another one:

It was a dark and stormy night. 
Wait, no it wasn't. It was a sunny, September afternoon. 
I was a couple months into being a mom of 5 boys under the age of 7. And I thought to myself, 
"Self, you dumbass let's sign up the oldest two for flag football at the Y." 
Because really, it would be fun to have them learn a sport that would make their Uumpa's proud...
and to get some of that energy out running on the field, 
and push other kids for a change......just not too hard, m'kay?! 

There were practices. 
And twins in the double caravan stroller. 
And McD's french fry bribes for the middle child. 
And a crazy-eyed momma who always wonders
what in the f she got herself into.
*ahem* Me.

The practices went great! They formed lines! Took turns!
Wow! Football is fun!
Then came Game Day.

It was another beautiful fall day. 
A Sunday, because hellooooooo. It's football.  
10 seconds into the first inning period whatever game, 
the menfolk were showing these flippin' 5 year olds how to line up at the line of scrimmage or some shit. 
5 year olds.
They paired up. Crouched down. There was a ball in there somewhere. 
A whistle blew. The kids pushed to get past each other.
Someone pushed a particularly blond 5 year old.  
*ahem* Mine. 
And just like >.< THAT, 
he fell to the ground as though he'd been SHOT, 
was carried off the field, 
and was a soccer player for life. 

Until 2 weeks ago. When he asked to play football here in the new city.

There were many "Are you sure?"s and double-checking about not playing soccer.  "Dude. It's football. TACKLE football!!? As in people laying on top of you."  "I know, Mawwwwwwwwwwm. I can do it!"

Personally, I thought football would be better than baseball or soccer, cuz this boy is hard on himself when it comes to striking out or not making/stopping a goal.  Football is more fast pace...there's no time to dwell on something not happening...shake it off, move on...chest bump, and go play!  He really seemed convinced this is what he wanted to do.

So I forked out way too much friggan $$ with it being back to school time and all... the fee, got him some gear, have spent 4 nights at practice...3 of them with siblings in tow (nightmare), 2 of them with husband to help the nightmares siblings chill, and 1 night of just me.

Doing this.
I think I can handle this football mom gig.
So these practices. Just drills, running, breaking up into groups to handle 'yo bus'ness. Or whatever they do in those groups. For 2 hours. Until 8pm. Dear gawd, it's cold in Maine at 8pm in August. Can't wait for October *eyeroll*

Anywhoooooooooo. So tonight at practice came the big announcement. 
"Tomorrow is equipment assignments...then we get to start HITTING!" 
yelled the coach, and the players cheered. 
They freakin' cheered. 
Except one.

*ahem* Mine.

(you knew that was coming, huh.)

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

WW--Balloon Festival!

I'll post more about this on the next Maine-ly Monday!
The colors were amazing!!
and here's a funny one...
Free enemas at the registration required!
(click above for more, and to share yours!)

Monday, August 20, 2012

Maine-ly Monday: Harvest Hill Farm/Pumpkinland

I'm thinking of starting a weekly thang here called 
Maine-ly Monday...Maine Adventures of My Many Men & I.

I'll share places in Maine that we have visited. Perhaps you can enjoy them, or find them useful if you ever visit our state. 

I'm always looking for new things to do with the boys, and one day came across Harvest Hill Farms/Pumpkinland on facebook.  There were posts about their free opening day of the Field of Dreams last month, and after exploring the Harvest Hill Farms website, and seeing all the fun things for the kids to do, we were on our way.

They had me at free. ;)

I admittedly had no idea where I was going when we headed on Rte. 26. It's unchartered territory for me.  Thankfully, my trucker husband came along to help navigate.  Luckily, locating Harvest Hill isn't a needle in a haystack type mission.  Oh no.  Rolling up on the farm, it's clear that Harvest Hill IS the haystack.  I wasn't able to find the actual acreage on the website, and wouldn't dare take a guess at it, but suffice to say, Harvest Hill Farm is quite large, beautiful, and well-kept.

This is the Farm House Pizza & Deli, where wonderful treats, pizzas, and anything you can imagine is made
and sold at VERY reasonable prices.  The menu is online.
In front of the Farm House are picnic tables for dining, a swingset,  and several wooden
vehicles for the kids to climb upon. My boys could have done that all day!
 But there was so much more to see and do, that mean old momma had to drag them away for a bit.
We checked out the bulls, horses, and fed the goats (tip: BRING YOUR QUARTERS for feed!!)
That's a whole lotta bull.
Uninterested, hungry horses :)
I repeat...don't forget your quarters!...
...and hand sanitizer LOL
Then it was on to the petting barn where we visited pigs, chickens, and I think a sheep or two...
Ramp for strollers/wheelchairs. There's restrooms above the store, and that day, there was a portapotty near the barn
This pig stood as high as our 5 year olds! lol
Grady was not overly excited by his slimy nose :)
Inside the petting barn, there was also a friendly bunny  And a non-smiling tween ;)
There's the pond below, and the large tent in the background for picnicking and events.
Harvest Hill recently hosted Motor Booty Affair!  (LOVE them). More events are planned, check the site.
Behind the Petting Barn is the actual FIELD of Dreams.  We greeted the growing bunny population of Cottontail Village...before the boys ran to "speak" with the ducks in the pond.

Who knew bunnies were so religious?  My husband tried to tell me they were holding "church" like on
Sons of Anarchy (we're huge fans).  LOL badass bunnies
Speaking duck.
Around the other side of the pond, as pictured below, is the Giant Slides.  It was a gorgeous day; sunny with a breeze, and just LOOK at the backdrop...Maine mountains.  This must be even more breathtaking in the fall!
Slides in the distance.
There are some great photo opps on the way to the slides.
Slides for the lil tykes.
Can you tell what these SUPER FAST slides are made from???
 Bowling alleys!  They're perfect. We all know how slippery they are in those shoes!
The walk back up the hill is a bit steep...and hard to maneuver when you've got the giggles!
 After admiring the great views, we moved on to the Pedal Kart Track, but were distracted by the sandbox and tractors...
The Pedal Kart Track.  Apparently I only took video of them, no pics.
*swoon* The view!
 Directly behind the sandbox is the Pièce de Field of Dreams résistance: The Giant Jumping Pillow.
This pic is from facebook, again, I took a bunch of video of my lil jumping beans :)

What catches your eye in the background?  A FIRETRUCK?!
 After burning some serious energy on the jumping pillow, the boys were quite excited ran to climb on the lobster boat and firetruck.  And climb they did.
The large ear of corn in the background is a theatre of some wasn't open the day we were there.
There was some landwork being done past the corn...there's more coming to the Field of Dreams!

 As we made the loop back around the Field of Dreams, we met the donkeys in a Shrek-themed fenced in area, presumably used for Halloween & Pumpkinland
Sweet, aren't they?!
 One last trip to Cottontail Village before exiting through the Petting Barn...
And we had completed the Field of Dreams.
It was a great day! We all enjoyed the farm. And even though the day we went was free, Harvest Hill Farms Field of Dreams is completely worth the $5.00/pp on any given day.  You can pack a lunch or order from the market.  That's what we'll be doing next time.  The pizza smells and looks amazing! 
I'm VERY excited to take the boys back in the fall, to experience Pumpkinland, Corn Maze,the Fall Harvest Tour, and the beautiful fall foliage.

Oh! And Harvest Hill Farms has recently added the Lucky Strike Mining Co...where you can "mine" for gems! And since mining gems is on our bucket list of Maine things to do, we'll be able to do it on our next visit! How great is that?!

The boys are excited too! As I was compiling this post, they recalled their visit, and asked SEVERAL times when we can go back. :)

Soon, boys, very soon!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

5QF--Of Mice and Moms.

In the interest of having some posts consistency around these parts, I'm participating in Mama M's

Join in here!

Ready?  *Ahem*

1. What's the one thing you buy every time you walk into the store?
That, my friends, is a trick question.  There are sooooo many sub-parts to this question...for example a) which type of store? b) who's with me? c) is it just a I-gotta-bribe-them-with-a-POStoy-from-the-dollar-store trip or d) we talking grocery shopping or fun shopping?

Nevermind. I can make this easy on us all.

ANSWER: Nothing. There is no one thing that I buy every time I walk into the store. The PROBLEM now that we moved to the biiiiig city *wink* is that every time we go to the store, we find ourselves in a drive-thru, getting an ice coffee (the mister) or frappe (me).

And that's only if we have no children in tow...because they ask everygawdforsakingDAY for us to buy them candy. Especially Gavin.  This is his "Please buy me candy, you haven't bought be candy since YESTERDAY!" face:
"Pleaseyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?"
"Mwahahahahahahaha...she said maybe. woot!"
"Go ask daddy??  I'm getting candy, I'm getting candy!"
And when all else fails, and I forget to bring him home some candy...
He just takes my frappe.
(Please excuse our hand-me-down couch in the "man cave")
(and the chicken nugget. sheesh.)
2. If you had a day all to yourself how would you spend it?
I've been in the honeymoon phase of parenting as of last September and not just because they all wipe their own ass. The youngest 2 of 5 started full day preK in our old town. Sadly, when we moved, they only had a 3 hour program here, but I took all the free time I could get didn't mind. I found myself in Target and Christmas Tree Shops a lot. Or out to eat a hot breakfast and neglect my gym membership. 

In 12 days and 9 hours (who's counting?) (me, that's who!!!), they start Kindergarten *faux dramatic sob* and all 5 will be back in school full days. And I'll probably be trying to find a part-time gig  back to neglecting my gym membership, whilst frolicking through stores shopping alone and not sharing my frappe...and maybe a side of water zumba {sidebar: have you done water zumba?  Likes? Dislike? It'll be my 1st time}  

3. Are you a speed limit driver? If not, over or under?
Over baby. Well, not so much over that it's criminal or unsafe...but I've got places to be {like the gawdforsaking orthodontist} and too many personalities men in my little van to be in it longer than I have to be.  I remember my freshman math teacher once said she traveled "3 under 10 over" the speed limit, which still echoes in my head sometimes, idk why always stuck with me. Weirdness.  "In town" though, I'm a speed limit driver. I save my extra 7 mph for the highway :)

4. What's your favorite dessert to make, homemade or from a mix??
I don't have one. More weirdness, I know!  My favorite dessert is pretty much ohhhhh, y'know...any.  I like to MAKE monkey munch or "trash" (crispix with choc and powder sugar) and could eat pumpkin chocolate chip cookies all winter long.  Rice Krispie treats piss me off (to make), especially when they come out all stale. But a chocolate cream pie is easy peasy to whip up (and the mister's favorite)! So basically, my answer would be: easy ones.

5. Would you rather have a spider or a mouse scurry across your face (no copping out and saying "neither!!")?
OMFG. I have a funny mouse story here. I guess if I have to choose, I'd *gulp* prefer a mouse scurry across my face than a spider; for several reasons. 1)I wouldn't have to worry about a mouse crawling up my nose or 2)laying eggs up there and 3)given the mouse:face size ratio...they will scurry across said face much more quickly and 4)*shudder*

I'm the kind of person who sees a bug, then feels a piece of hair tickle my arm and flips out calmly brushes that area, thinking there is a bug there.  It's a subtle move, which I've perfected over the years.  It's like a brush/grab and then (and this is an important part:) wipe it on furniture, a pantleg, or the nearest child grass.

(May I call you Dude?)

DUDE! One night a few weeks ago, I was settling down in bed when the opportunity arose to do the brush/grab/wipe off of a piece of hair that I felt on my forehead.  The brush/grab went great, but when I wiped on the sheet beside me, SOMETHING ROLLED UNDER MY FINGERS.

*commence freakout*


My hero The mister turns on the light, and there on the wall was the arachnid's accomplice. We are not talking about one of those teeeeeeeeny jumping spiders who look like their mama jumped the web to mate with a bumble bee, nor a small-bodied daddy long legs.  Oh nooooooo. This motherlover was honkin'!  And I had his guts on my hand sheet to prove it.

After some xanax cleanup, flushing of the other spider, and me making him check my hair 472 a few times, the mister finally shut off the light and I tossed and twitched all night because HELLOOO there was just a spider on my forehead for cripes sake?!! we went to sleep. 


The one where I scar my kid for life...

I'm a horrible mother. I may have scarred my kid for like, a whole hour life.

In my defense.........
I hate going to the orthodontist with 4 extra kids in tow. And since it IS still summer vacation 'round these parts...that's what I and the receptionist suffered through did today.

2 hours before everyone has been getting up on their own in the morning.
With an hour drive to get there.

I know.

Also in my defense 
(I have a feeling I'm going to be saying that a lot today)
I didn't bring the flippin' dinosaur toys...they were already there! 
Provided by satan the practice.

There were enough to go around...but my 
spawn children found ways to mess that up too.

There was: 
And fighting
(in the form of pushing each other--dino--off the wooden comment box)
Dying and eating the flesh of others 
(the dinos, not the kids...this time).
Shooshing. Lots and lots of shooshing
(by me).

And there was "pooping out of eggs."

Whattya want from me? They saw their dog "poop out" puppies one day, and have yet to ask where babies come from for realz. Hopefully it'll come up before they are fathers older. 
If not? meh.
At least they got the egg part right.
(Thanks Dino Dan!)

Anywho. The one joy I can take away from these orthodontist visits...
besides, y'know...straight teeth and such...
is when they put one of these doohickeys:
into here:
leaving your kid looking all like one of these:
I am telling y'all, there is no greater joy.

I took a picture of him (hence the scarring for life),
which he L'd his AO when he showed his Dad at dinner...
but can Mom go making a side-by-side collage of the aforementioned pic and those Sing-a-ma-jigs?

Well, yes, actually, she did can, but he was all traumatized that I had put it on facebook already.
*cough* almost did. *cough*
And since I don't need to bring 4 kids to wait in a therapist's waiting room 
a therapy bill,
I won't post it here either.


But I will snag one from google images of someone else's kid who probably cried for days  hates his mom  married his therapist cuz it was cheaper than paying for 50 min each week 
forgot all about this pic...
No children were harmed in the publishing of this photo. Well, not at my house anyway.
So, that was my morning before 11am.

It wasn't all bad though, while at the orthodontist's...

I did get to sit on Kevin Costner's face.

No actors were harmed in the taking of this photo unless you count in my dreams.